Holding Out for a Higher Percentage of Awesome

Posted on March 30, 2010


A couple of weeks ago, Daniel went to see Vampire Weekend in concert.  I didn’t get a ticket because I had a vendor rep in town and wasn’t sure if we’d end up working late or going out in the evening.  I ended up getting to stay home with coffee and relaxation while Daniel had his musical solo mission.

We knew that my friend/adopted sister Sarah was also going to be at the show, and with a date.  Apparently they were both looking for each other, since she posted something on Twitter about there being too many “Beanie Kids” at the show for her to be able to find him (his obsession with wearing a beanie every.single.day is another story).  How do I know he was looking for her? From the following story, which he told me the next day.  I’m going to write it from his person.

So last night I tried to find Sarah so I was looking for guys who looked like Sarah might like them.  I saw a couple dudes, but then I saw this one, and I was like ‘This one might be a possibility’… He had on fashionable shoes, y’know, not girly shoes, but stylish.  And nice jeans, and he was tall.  Then I noticed his keys were in his pocket and they were attached to one of those caribeener things and I was like ‘NOPE instant disqualification.  Not Sarah worthy’.

Is he saying she’s too picky? I don’t think so.  We have every right to immediately disqualify any individual based on any criteria we choose.  Why? Because we don’t need to waste our time.  If something has been a turn off right up front, why argue with that? Why not skip it and move on? I know I don’t like baked fish.  I’m not going to go to out to eat and order baked tuna knowing that I have previously eaten and not liked baked salmon and baked halibut, so I’m not going to waste my time.  I’d rather just have a salad.

Some people think that girls who are single for a long time are too picky.  I wholeheartedly disagree.  I think that girls who are single for a long time are smart.  Imagine missing your soul mate because you were wasting your time on something you were having to work way too hard on for it to be worth it?

How horrible would it be to settle  for a lifetime of “Good Enough” or “Fine Most of the Time” or even “Fantastic Most of the Time”?  I lucked out.  I really did.  I got “Completely Rad All of the Time Except for Little Tiny Moments After Which He Does Something Adorable and I Can’t Remember What Was Bugging Me” … I honestly wonder how he can be so patient with me, laugh at my neuroses, and always try (not usually successfully) to help me to relax and not worry about things.

Everyone deserves to be happy and to have what they want in a relationship.  If all you want is arm candy, I’m sure there is arm candy out there willing to oblige, and if you expect nothing deeper, then you win.  You don’t need to have conversations about anything other than designer jeans and colorful martinis and neither does your partner, so you’re all set.  If all you want is to not be alone, and if you feel like wearing the badge of marriage is what will make you a whole person, then there are plenty of people willing to oblige that too, and quickly.  They may not treat you well, and they may make you feel so uncomfortable in your own skin that you change a lot of things in your life very quickly to the point of your friends wondering what happened to you, but you get your badge, they get theirs, and if that’s all you both needed then you’re blissfully happy forever.

If you want someone who will kiss you on the forehead when you’re making a grumpy face and tell that worry crease to go away, and someone who thinks you’re cute even if you slept with your mascara on and wake up looking like a vampire…

Sneau loves pictures like this. Proof he's one in a million.

… and someone who will call you at work and ask if you want a night off while he takes the kids to a movie, and someone who will start the coffee for you on Sunday morning even though he doesn’t drink coffee, and someone who tells you they had no idea you’d gained 20 pounds…. Then you have to be smart enough to hold out because really, 70% awesome isn’t good enough.

Note: I’m not claiming that my relationship is 100% perfect. We’re at about 99.6% awesome at our house.  We’d be 100% if either of us truly liked to do yard work.

I like to think that my '84 Nascar shirt ups our awesome to about 97.436%

Note 2: I cannot be held responsible for the accuracy of Daniel’s criteria in Sarah’s actual dating life.  Dudes with keys on big dumb looking metal things may be more than welcome to ask her out.  She’s also more than welcome to say no based on Daniel’s expert judgment of other males.  I’m just saying.