Can Someone Tell Me How to Spring Clean My Body and Brain?

Posted on April 10, 2010

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I would totally post what I wore on Friday, because it was so cute.

I looked at the pictures and wanted to cry.

They don’t even look like me.  I mean, really.  Not at all.  They don’t even look like pictures that were taken earlier this week.  The angle is bad. Really bad.  This sucks on a lot of levels.  It sucks because the outfit was cute.  Dark purple, orange, and gold cute.  Sparkley purple ballet flats cute.

More than that, it sucks because when I saw the photos and I saw me about 120 pounds heavier.  That’s not good.

What’s also not good is the fact that I used to be 120 pounds heavier, and  I also used to be 30 pounds lighter.   Really I used to be 35 pounds lighter, but at that point I looked sickly and let myself have the 5 pounds.  I stayed about the same weight for several years, then ten pounds crept up on me.

Suddenly, the number on the scale was  THE number.  I mean THE number.  The number that I promised myself I would never, ever see again.

I was annoyed at the number.  I was happy with life, so I didn’t do anything about it.

One day, I hurt myself.  I fell and broke my ankle.  I gained ten more pounds..

I healed.  I did physical therapy.  I felt strong.  I felt like I could kick the extra 20 pounds’ ass pretty quickly.

I gained ten more pounds.  I gave up.  I haven’t been to the gym since probably September.  I wasn’t having the whole gaining-weight-from-trying-to-lose-it thing.

So I weigh the same still.  30 pounds up from good, 20 pounds up from no-no-no-never-again.   What the hell do I do now?

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Posted in: Bodies, Mishaps