I wasn’t sick, just fat and unhappy.

Posted on March 5, 2011


Recently, I was unemployed (by choice, thankfully… and yes, I do know that I am lucky) for a couple of weeks, but I wasn’t  sitting around eating bon-bons like my former coworkers and I joked that I would.  In fact, I was doing just the opposite.

I realized that I need to take control of a few things, and that I need to learn how to make time for what I need to do for myself.  The main reason I left my former job was that I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I was having all sorts of mysterious health problems.  I was tired all the time.  I felt sick a lot. None of my doctors could figure out what was wrong with me.  Testing for rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, other auto-immune disorders… nothing showed up in my blood work.

I self diagnosed after a few days of not working.  I wasn’t sick.  I was stressed out and fat.  I was fat partly due to being stressed out and fat. Being stressed out and fat made me feel sick.

So, I’m working on getting cured.  I’ve been going to exercise classes at a studio geared toward group fitness (D.A.S.H. Fitness in the Millcreek area of Salt Lake City), and we joined the rec. center that’s near our new home (and we’ve gone there, and we’ve exercised!).  I’ve been carefully watching and thinking about my food choices.

In two weeks, I lost seven pounds and shrunk by a hole in my belt.  That’s a bonus.  The real reward is feeling a lot more calm and happy, and having  more energy than I’ve had in years.

The losing weight adventure was kicked into gear  when I held up clothes that I wore when I was 25 and the waistbands were about 2/3 as wide as my current body.  Also, a friend posted this picture of me from my trip to Mexico last month.

Was I wearing unflattering clothes including a blousey top and too-large shorts? Yes.  Is this possibly the worst pose ever for someone with redundant skin on her upper arms and stomach to be in for a photo? Yes.  Am I, myself, that girl? Yes. Does it make me sad? Yes.  I’ve known for a while that I’m carrying around a lot more body mass than I would like to be, but I haven’t really done much more than complain about it.  I decided that there was no better time to act than the time when I had time to act, which was the two weeks that belonged to me.

As I was packing my clothes to move, I allowed myself one small box of clothes I really truly love and would like to shrink back into.  In that box are the jeans I’m wearing in this picture:

Photo Date: March 2004

Also in the box is the dress I’m wearing in this picture:

Photo Date: September 2005


And the tee shirt I’m wearing in this picture:


Photo Date: September 2005

Do you see a difference? Uh… Yeah.  I’m hoping that putting this out there to the world and declaring accountability will help me to stay on track.

I’m going to keep the timeline going… To show the progression from the healthy happy young mom that I was… to the half crazy partially depressed chubbikins I became…

This is a photo from 2006:


Photo Date: September 2006

And another year later, in 2007:

That's Merris, our crazy old lady who decided to cash in her chips one day on a hike in the mountains.

And 2008:

Funny I'm eating cake here... This was my 30th birthday.


And 2009:

It was an 80s themed party. That's why I look so rad.



And 2010:


This is more representative of me, now, than the Mexico photo.

Obviously I have quite a way to go if I want to be back at what I consider to be my “Right” size… But, the fact that I already feel so much better is helping me to stay on track.